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Bad News

At dawn the telephone rings:

"Hello, Master Charles? This is Jeeves, the butler at your country house."

"Ah yes, Jeeves. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you that your dog died.

"My dog? Dead? The one that won Crufts?"

"Yes, sir, that's the one."

"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that dog. What did he die of?"

"Food poisoning from the rotten meat, sir."

"Food poisoning? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"

"Nobody, sir. He ate the meat of the dead horse."

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"

"The thoroughbred, sir."

"Not the one that won the Grand National? What did he die of?"

"Yes sir, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire, sir."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house, sir. A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire"

"What the ... Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?

"Yes, sir."

"But what on earth was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, sir."

" WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?!"

"Your wife's, sir.  She showed up one night unannounced and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver."

SILENCE...................

"Jeeves, if you have broken my new driver, you're in real trouble!"