Learn English Free
Have Fun With English
JokesUseful to demonstrate the future tense.
Meeting the Queen
A man walked in to Joe's Barber Shop for his regular haircut. As he snips away, Joe asks, "What's up?" The man proceeds to explain he's taking a vacation to England.
"ENGLAND?!" Joe says, "Why would you want to go there? It's a crowded dirty country full of Brits! You'd be crazy to go to London! So how ya getting there?"
"We're taking TWA," the man replies.
"TWA!" yells Joe. "They're a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late! So where you staying in England?"
The man says "We'll be at the downtown International Motel."
"That DUMP?!" says Joe. "That's the worst hotel in the country! The rooms are small, the service is surly and slow and they're overpriced! So whatcha doing when you get there?"
The man says "We're going to go see Buckingham Palace and hope to see the Queen."
"HA! That's rich!" laughs Joe. "You and a million other people trying to see her. She'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on THIS trip. You're going to need it!"
A month later, the man comes in for his regular haircut.
Joe says, "Well, how did that trip to England turn out? Betcha TWA gave you the worst flight of your life!"
"No, quite the opposite" explained the man. "Not only were we on time in one of their brand new planes, but it was full and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old flight attendant who waited on me hand and foot!"
"Well, I bet the hotel was just like I described."
"No, quite the opposite! They'd just finished a £25 million renovation project. It's the finest hotel in England, now. They were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the Presidential suite for no extra charge!"
"Well," Joe mumbled, "I KNOW you didn't get to see the Queen!"
"Actually, we were quite lucky. As we toured the Palace, a Royal guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained the Queen likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into this private room and wait, the Queen would personally greet me. Sure enough, after 5 minutes the Queen walked through the door and shook my hand. I bowed down as she spoke a few words to me."
Impressed, Joe asks, "Tell me. What did she say?"
"Oh, not much really. Just "Where'd you get that awful haircut?"